I’ve received a few emails and comments lately on social media wondering if I have another book coming out anytime soon, as well as posing other questions, like, will I ever return to making YouTube videos, how is my “diet/lifestyle change” going, and where in the hell have I been? Well, the answers are easy: Yes, Yes, horribly and right here, planning my world domination.
So here’s the truth. I had planned to have my next novel done in December of 2014, but I realized I needed to take some time to myself and just enjoy life. All of my life I had wanted to “just” get a book published and I believed that once that happened then I would be happy. That wasn’t necessarily the case because I am quite the restless soul. The story of how my book came to be written, in 3 weeks, and even more interesting on how it got published is proof to me in kismet and a plan from something much bigger than me. But after it had been achieved, I became somewhat weary on what I had put out into the world. I knew I could do much, much better, and as proud as I am of The Before Now and After Then, it is not really who I am as a writer. That being said, it is the book I would have wanted to read at 17 and I am entirely proud that I accomplished that goal. But this looming question started to fill my days, making my doubt the outlines I had already formed for other novels; who am I as a writer?
With the amount of books we put out into the world on a regular basis it might not sound like that important of a question, but to me, it was vital. If I were going to write, I was going to write with intention. That didn’t mean I couldn’t write a spy novel or about vampires, but I wanted the intention and the motive to be clear. I wanted my direction as a writer to be specific. I wanted to be proud of my stories, because I wanted truth to exist between the words I carefully chose.
What I thought might be a hiatus for a few weeks ended up being over two years. I sat in front of my computer for hours, trying to come up with the perfect first sentence, the perfect characterization and the perfect dialogue, careful to only put out the best work. I became consumed with trying to figure out the perfect way to market my upcoming books before they were even written. Those ideas are crap. There will never be perfect writing and perfect dialogue. Some call this writer’s block but I just call it doubt.
I have learned a lot in the last few years. Some of the worst books will sell a fortune and end up at the top of bestseller lists because of great marketing which costs a fortune, while incredible novels will never be touched because of the lack of mentions on Twitter. This weary truth makes me sad but it made me realize one very important truth; write the book you would want to read and those that find it will love it as much as you do if you passion is true. Real knows real.
Successful writing friends told me to never read my reviews. They told me to get up every day and write and write and consume it like a passion, but I found myself frozen with my keys on the computer. In the last two years I have fully outlined over 28 novels. They range in everything from the diary of a teenage, drug addict to a woman humorously on the road to a complete nervous breakdown. The only thing they have in common is my voice.
It has taken me two years, several trips to the beach, many, many, many late night drives but I am once again back at the grind. The characters are alive in my mind and living with me in the passenger seat of my car. I am excited to have found my passion again. Thanks for staying along for the ride. I do not believe in writer’s block. I believe in laziness and self doubt, both of which can only be dealt with by sitting down and actually doing the work. Is it that I can’t write or that I’m afraid to tell the story I need to tell? What is my truth? What makes me real? Those are the stories I need to be telling. Sit down and write it out. Those writer’s blocks will turn into the building blocks of a truly emotional story.
In the next two months I am focusing on finishing my current book as well as keeping up with my blog and hope to be back to my videos in June.
Please check out my book!