Don’t smirk, it’s true…I started a Booktube channel, partly in addition to my Book Blog Peter Likes Books. I’ve already uploaded several videos including My Favorite LGBT Books, reviews of Go Set a Watchman and Dumplin and several other fun book tag videos and a book haul. Please go check it out and subscribe to my channel Peter Likes Books HERE!
As I was scrolling through Facebook today, I came upon a post about the suicide of 17 year old transgender teen Leelah Alcorn. After reading the article, which included her suicide note posted on Tumblr, I went to her Tumblr page and read both of the notes she left and continued to scroll through the many posts and pictures she had reblogged. While there were many pictures indicating desperation, there were also pictures of Asian pop idols and anime. I smiled to myself thinking about this young girl sitting at a computer in her room,sharing pictures she related to and felt spoke of her true self. That smile was instantly shaken as I began crying, almost uncontrollably. Another teenager lost. Another useless death.
This past week my social network sites have been full of news clips about Ronin Shimizu, the 12 year old boy who took his own life due to bullying for being on a youth cheerleading squad. I see so many of these stories anymore that I almost feel immune, probably like many others, to the reality that the pain of bullying still exists in our society. For some reason though, I couldn’t rid my mind of Ronin’s face. In pictures of him cheerleading, he looked so happy and so full of life that I couldn’t take my thoughts off of the fact that a 12 year old…12 year old, had killed himself, for any reason.
It’s been 3 weeks since I started my weight loss journey. Every day I get asked questions about what I’m doing, how difficult its been and how much weight I’ve lost. So…do you want to know how much I’ve lost?
I’m not going to lie, this has been a really grueling week for me. My new weight loss YouTube channel, My So Called Healthy Life, and videos are helping(please go watch them and like/subscribe please!) It’s one thing to go on a “diet” or make “lifestyle changes”, but when you realize you’re a full blown food addict and you’re going through mental cravings, anxiety and withdrawal symptoms you would go through with any other addiction, it’s really, really difficult. I’m not using this as an excuse. Trust me, at this point I wish I were just struggling with being overweight because that is bad enough, but add on top to it the overwhelming compulsive thoughts of food and eating, doubled with the stress of changing your eating habits, exercising and constantly being surrounded by a foody society…it’s just too much!
I was in the grocery store earlier tonight when the couple behind me started talking about the front of a magazine. The husband pointed to the cover, a picture of a gay couple in tuxes, and said to his wife “What do you think about all of that gay marriage crap?” I immediately turned to look at the magazine and saw that the headline indicated something about gay marriage sweeping the country. The man looked over at me and I smiled, but no smile was returned. He and his wife suddenly went silent, probably assuming I was gay, and their conversation ceased. Immediately I felt uncomfortable, so I paid for my groceries and left the store. In retrospect, I kind of wish I would have turned to the man and said, “I’m gay and I’m married. Got a problem with that crap”, but I didn’t.
As I was sitting in front of my computer tonight, waiting for Alex’s family to come over for dinner, I was thinking about how much my mom loved having people over on Sunday nights. She would invite a few people over and we would all sit around the dining room table and eat chili and raw apple muffins or chicken curry with homemade garlic bread. Later, after the other guests would leave, my mom and I would sit in front of the fire and drink coffee while talking about a range of topics from her desire to have Hilary Clinton as president to the best Woody Allen film to random memories of her being a Pi Phi. The night would drift on as we would play Bob Dylan and Neil Young records, smoke cigarettes and the stories would turn funnier until we would both be rolling in laughter. Finally, it would be time for me to go home. She always asked me to stay overnight, but I always refused, desiring to be in my own bed. Now Alex and I live in my mother’s home and I sleep here every night.